A Simple Wedge…

So I sang in front of a crowd for the first time ever yesterday morning in chapel.  I was super nervous, but Megan assured me that I would do fine.  We practiced Monday night and I was told that I sounded fine, but I was still scared out of my mind.  I mean, I can remember sitting in chapel during worship and thinking about what was wrong with it, and I didn’t want to be what was wrong with this chapel.  I agreed to do it though and I wasn’t going to back out.

So I got to chapel and saw Dr. Spittal and his bag of props.  As soon as I saw that bag I thought to myself, “He’s already done this chapel,” referring to a chapel he had spoken at before, using this same bag of props.  But, I agreed to sing, and there was definitely no backing out now.  So there we were, Megan, Abram, Adam, Thom, Dr. Spittal, Ken Dill, Jane Dill, and I, all praying for this chapel, and I was still scared out of my mind.

The time came for chapel to begin and I was so very nervous.  We got on stage and after Ken gave his announcements, it was time for worship to begin.  Then, something weird happened, we began to sing and I was fine.  I usually have a huge problem with being in front of a crowd.  Even when I’m just speaking in front of a class, my mouth gets dry.   But this was different.  While we were up there worshiping, I felt calm.  It felt like it was just me and God and nobody else.  What a relief.  All that time before I had been worrying about messing up, but when I began, I remembered that I wasn’t singing for those who came to chapel, I was simply singing and worshiping for God.  And then it was over, just like that.

So then the time came for Dr. Spittal to speak.  He brought out his bag of props and I couldn’t help but think to myself, “Oh no, here we go, a repeat chapel.”  But then, he began to do something a little different.  He began to pull each prop out one by one and talk about the previous chapels he had used that prop for.  Then, he pulled out a prop that Ken Dill had used earlier this semester, and I realized that this wasn’t that same chapel I had heard him do before.  He talked about how the sharp edge of this wedge was our spiritual gifts and talents and that the blunt side was our own will.  He went on to talk about how that blunt edge won’t cut through anything.  In the same way, our own personal will won’t get us anywhere.  But then he explained that if we let God guide our will, then he will use our talents and gifts for whatever he sees fit.  Then he pulled out an ax.  He said that if we continue to let God guide us, then we will eventually be similar to that ax, in that we will be much more effective.  See, to use a wedge, you need the wedge and then you need a hammer to drive it, but an ax combines the wedge and the hammer.  If we continually follow God, we become a lot like that ax, in that we work together with God and become a lot more effective in our ministry.

So why did I go into detail about all that?  Well, for those of you who don’t know, over Christmas break, I felt a call towards worship ministry.  I’ve never really used my voice in public, other than singing in the choir here and there, so no one really knows that I can sing.  Well, when Megan told Thom on Monday that she didn’t want to sing along, I told her that I would sing with her.  After singing and then hearing that message, it was almost like God was making me certain of this call.  He has given me this talent, and though it makes me nervous to use it and sing in front of people, he can and wants to use it.  I was so nervous before I sang, but when I began I was all alone with God.

I’ve hidden my voice for a long time, and in doing that I have hindered what God can do through me.  This opportunity to sing in chapel just helped me to realize that this is something is calling me to do.